you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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