i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
COCAINE IS GR8
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
