Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have so many feelings about this burrito
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
