what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
