I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
