Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
