Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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