Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
