how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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