i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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