Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
