Someone shit on the floor
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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