You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
