Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
