How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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