Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
