I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
