Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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