I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
