You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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