is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Shame is for Republicans.
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