i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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