every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
that is very illegal...i love you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
