No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
