U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize