i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
