I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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