Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
