and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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