All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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