I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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