I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
