my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
