She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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