Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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