You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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