Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
