butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
