fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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