im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
