MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
