forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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