i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
