he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
