My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
