That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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