No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I currently don't understand fingers.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
