____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I think my vagina is haunted
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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