She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We left an ass print on the piano.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
