I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
