i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I fill condoms, not promises.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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