That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
