I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
