Yo dont text me then not text me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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