I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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