So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
