Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
