Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
