i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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