Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
