Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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