Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
