Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
