bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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