oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she told me i tasted like america
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
