her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You may now shotgun with the bride
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
