Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
