Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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