your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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