Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
