i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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