New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
