I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
