I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think I am morally bankrupt
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
