He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
