my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
